A lot of these were written a long time ago. They have done nothing but sit on my hard drives as I never shared them for one reason or another. The main reason was judgement, to be honest. But I’m putting them out there now. I’m not within a bullsroar of most poets and I have no ambition to be. This is my voice and these are what I wrote in various stages of my life. They’re unedited and I’m posting them now (most 20 years later), as hiding them seemed pointless. Why create something for it to hide in shadow?
Many more will be posted and lot of them are dark, as they are how I dealt with my world at the time they were written. I feel that any art is pointless unless it is personal, and if unseen – it may as well not exist.
I will update this as often as a I can. There are hundreds written in notebooks I still need to transcribe. Hundreds more lost on 3.5 inch floppy discs.
So, now that I have my get-out clause established, the “poetry” is below.
Some might be okay
FAREWELL
Come chase me immortality
Run from me cold death,
A million bleeding hearts have felt
The lies upon my breath.
This tongue has tasted words
That fell from honeyed lips.
Beauty pure as light she was,
Beneath my broken fingertips.
Bring honour to the sight of man,
While bones of loneliness break;
Into the shards of evermore,
For this my great mistake.
I have wiped the eyes of those
Tormented by their dreams,
Their throats screamed for mercy
I only screamed for me.
Shed one red tear for destiny
Take two steps backward to begin,
Blinded sight by dull ambition,
The dreamless always win.
Farewell then to the heart
That sang the same old songs,
Farewell then to mystery
You dreamt for far too long.
Friday, 13 November 1998
A SIMPLE WISH
IT WAS JUST A SIMPLE WISH
HUSHED AND NOTHING MORE
THAT UNITY AND BEAUTY
CAME KNOCKING AT MY DOOR
CIRCUS OF FREAKS
I stand amidst a circus of freaks
With my clowns, narrator and jailer;
The company princess kisses my cheek
As I am led off for slaughter.
I am old world born into no world at all,
Damned to walk a fine thread;
High above those that pay for my pride
Yet virtue buys me no bread.
Cursed in life as I am in love
My cage offers no silence;
Against the eyes that stare at my soul
To poke me there in violence.
Comfort I grab in a memory,
Of a sepia-stained life past;
A faded dress and smiling eyes
Through a looking glass.
A trumpet heralds me to parley
There to play the joker;
Before the golden rings of fire
Then it shall be over.
There is another way to dust
Than this path on which I tread;
No old-time songs of memory
Will comfort me in my bed.
I am to hang it’s the price I pay
For all the little things;
That I saw with a different eye
Judged to be my sins.
No more wet tears shall I see
Upon her face of white;
Nothing I shall feel again
Or walk among the light.
The princess cries for mercy,
She tries to name a price;
As the rope around my throat
Takes my soul away from life.
Now I have only hell to fear.
April 2001
THE BREAKING
The parlour door gave way to life
That night that Joey died
– and all the girls around the world
Tore their shirts and cried
A bell they rang in the tower tall
Built to honour Gold
Men in dresses sang of hope
For his shattered soul
Guilt’s lament burst on cheeks
Like glass upon a wall
To sink then to eternity
– The weight of judgements call
Left-then-right in unison
I watched the flowers die
To fall beneath the heels of those
That brought him to the pyre
Last words too oft’ be whispered
So the earth may never know
Of the final journey
The abyss of the unknown
ROY BROWN
When I get to thinkin’
Then I get to drinkin’
When I get to drinkin’
Then I get to livin’
Those pictures in my album
Are all of better times
Of youth spent with pretty girls
And friends (I) can no longer find
Days there of little care
In my baby’s arms
Her scent it did cleanse me
Of all life’s little harms
When I get to thinkin’
Then I get to drinkin’
When I get to drinkin’
Then I get to livin’
A present spent in memory
Of a distant past
Of colours there in faded glass
Youth though just don’t last
She left me at the station
When I was still a boy
She kissed my tears and vanished
(I) Boxed up all my joy
When I get to thinkin’
Then I get to drinkin’
When I get to drinkin’
Then I get to livin’
Years since been cruel to me
As I walk the world
I keep the sun on my left
Looking for that girl
The thoughts though they get to me
Of frames I captured then
A shutter closed on my heart
Left me with my sins
When I get to thinkin’
Then I get to drinkin’
When I get to drinkin’
Then I get to livin’
This bottle it has cursed me
Into always looking back
Tomorrow holds no promise
I wish only for my past
I heard she had married
To a boy in old London town
One child she did give him
A boy they named Roy Brown
When I get to thinking’
Then I get to drinkin’
When I get to drinkin’
Then I get to livin’
That boy he gets to hold her
Kiss my darling girl
Once it was me then
Me then and that girl
I wonder if she ever
Spares a thought for me
The poor boy she knew then
When we were twenty-three
When I get to thinking’
Then I get to drinkin’
When I get to drinkin’
Then I get to livin’
You can take my pride
And place it in a box
Kiss this corpse and nail the lid
For that is all I got
Nothing ever came to me
And in God I asked
I begged and wished for a chance
But for me it simply passed
When I get to thinking’
Then I get to drinkin’
When I get to drinkin’
Then I get to livin’
I tell all who’ll listen
Inside this smoky bar
If you’re lucky then to hold her
Never let her get too far
Women they will curse you
Make you lose your mind
I love them, how I love them
But it’s her I wish to find
When I get to thinking’
Then I get to drinkin’
When I get to drinkin’
Then I get to livin’
I guess then Roy Brown
Has grown to be a man
I know she’ll have raised him
To be a righteous man
In a plot in Dublin
Lie my baby’s bones
She died oh so long ago
As I lamented hope
When I get to thinking’
Then I get to drinkin’
When I get to drinkin’
Then I get to livin’
Roy Brown if you hear me
Heed these words I wrote
Nothing is so precious
As the whisperings of hope
Do not take her lightly
For she’ll not wait around
Women they are spiritual
Men we are but clowns
PARADISE It’s just a fractured moment That finds me in this place Seduced and willing With her lips upon my face A hundred times before They all spoke the same Light breaks through coloured glass Searching for my name I wish for innocence As smoke swirls on my tongue Liquid relief for blackened heart Virtues I have none My life a sniffle Within the time of art But that was sold to fashion And I bought a tiny part Acceptance of image I projected through a haze Of pale blue eyes and disarming smile Those memories of rage That song I can’t remember When all things were bright Cynical entertainment On my journey to paradise A meaning I shall long for As my lungs expel their final gasp I’ll try to grab that moment As I struggle with my past A lingering will sway Tease me and then leave As friends of tomorrow I shall also fail to please A life I lived through a dream Someone sold to me The one who sits on higher ground Who planned this reel for me Wistful I shall tumble Through the veil of time Searching for that wisdom In this time I failed to find Sweet breath I give to nature As her womb is sucked of life We evolved to hate her As we raped paradise
HOPE Hope I find at the end of a bottle Dreams I found in my mother’s arms Hate I felt at my father’s hand Manhood I entered through that girl’s eyes I hate myself. I despise what I am. Reason I have as my courage lies dying. For years I’ve tried, and those years I’ve failed. Perhaps I’m destined for nothing at all. Darkness I know. Swimming in black. Forever on end with no light at all. Jesus don’t care for he’s dead now so long. Only the living can know its despair. Life is a curse. Devoid of reason. Darkness a comfort, I often embrace. I do not belong here, on this journey. They should have left me alone in that place.
GONE I caught a virus called loneliness And there ain’t no one to cure me. I have this virus called loneliness Contagious to all who see me. She left me. Now I look behind my eyes Staring into nothing.
GLASS HEART A sonnet etched in glass On a mantle hewn of bone Signed with the blood of an artists hand Set atop this throne Stars dropped their tears To add heat to the pain Azrael rose and spread his wings His bride he took in flame As beauty curled within Youth to life was born Rising with the morning mists To kiss to life the dawn Eyes awoke to coloured stream Flowing through the night Of love’s sweet and gentle touch The lilted voice of light Breathe now the air of me As I bathe you in my light Your skin I use as canvass Your hands I use for sight
ALONE I find I am alone again Myself against my skin, Staring forever outward As memories walk within. Ten years ago, smiles I had Now a frown I wear as shame. Lips I kissed have turned to dust, My friends went to the grave.
I STAND AMONG THE BEAUTIFUL I stand among the beautiful As I watch the wise Moments among perfection Hallowed night witnessed lie I’ve had too much whiskey Warmth it tells me so My bed it duly summons Yet its comfort I ignore Tomorrow’s a place I despise Alarm to ring or faze As though stars would hang silent Upon my fluttering gaze Important to some economy I am yet to understand My heart it seethes in Nevermore A rapping broken hand The bugs that rule my abode Mock my clichéd stare Upon such wall I hang my art To find them preening there Talent it has escaped me Average now I strive to be Toasting all charming devils That can only laugh at me Words spiral and land Within twisted bitter mind Denied a dozen years A dream I took to bride Tears shall splinter pavement When all comes to be Doomed as now as from birth To mediocrity 2001
IN CLOSING For all the lips I have ever kissed. Thank you.
LOVES LAMENT Inspired by ‘The Nightingale and the Rose’ by Oscar Wilde The little bird sang in the tears of the moon Her sacrifice cast by the pain of a thorn The blood of her heart stained pale petals red To deliver perfection on the dew of the morn The song was so sweet as the rose drained her blood Each beautiful note to heaven did lift She sang through the night to true loves lament So he in such pain could deliver his gift With the fall of the moon came the end of the song Our Nightingale fell cold and dead to the earth Pierced through the breast by the cruellest of barbs To loves holy virtue she tried to give birth When morning smiled golden he cut down the rose Delivered with promise to his loves intent His favour refused because jewels were worth more Than the bird who died for true loves lament December 16 2001
POLITIC Bring me roses now, for tomorrow can wait The forces that control me, will seal me to that fate. We tried to fight them, but we lost the war, They sold us freedom, then led us into war. My friends I shall bury, as misery takes them all, Leaders turned their backs on us, the poor took the fall. Close my eyes against Death’s face, so I shall not see, What they took from mother earth, what they did to me! Before my soul is sucked, and spat into the sky, There is but one wish I make, upon my shadowed eyes. The shallow men, foolish men, the God’s of shattered realm, Shall feel the fire of defeat, as I toll the bell. You can give me liberty, you can bring me death, You can read my rights to me as on the slab I rest. I am freedoms son, born to damnation, A child of mother-nature, thus denied your salvation. You raped my golden forests, as fuel for your greed, Killed the fairies of my lands to sow your poisoned seed. Satan he shall sharpen, his claws upon your skulls, The ragged beasts of the underworld shall you vermin cull. Your God went and left you, when He saw what you were, You spit and chant at heaven even though there’s nothing there! Beauty had you banished, when you took Her face, Look upon the silver pool you see what took Her place!? Sabre dance backward, we’re all off to hell , You saw to that when you killed hope, Pandora heard the knell. Cry not for Mithris, they led him to the pyre, The white bull of ritual, killed for a Messiah! Cry now as it ends, shadows crawl on earth, The cancerous womb of nature, shall never again birth. Life in its purity, tears upon my lips, The talons you control me with are slicing at my wrists! I scream for one drop of blood, not tainted or infected, You shall not speak to me until your heart has been inspected. The chain around my neck, is latched there to the gate, Damnation now must only breathe, for you to decide my fate! You will never know, what you took from us, Your obscene methods, are sure to silence us!? Paradise only lasted, until we tasted will, This is what you did with it, thought of ways to kill. I do not understand you, your breed I despise, Would a better day, come from your demise? The need for power shall always rule your kind, You're separate from this myth we have named man-(kind) Do me one little favour, as you take my life, Do not crack that knowing smile, as you turn the knife. You robbed me of my innocence with this hatred you deliver, As you watch our agony, was it worth the silver? We were the ones, we were the only ones We were the ones, born, to touch the sun We were the ones, we were the chosen ones We were the ones, born, to touch the sun It ends as it began. With a scream. It could end with hope. It can’t. It never will. They are traitors to life. As Hamlet observed... ‘Tis an unweeded garden which grows to seed...’ Reap what you sow you bastards.
LONELINESS Loneliness, a haunting, blackened lips burnt by the sun Another man, a different time, a plague set among the scum. Though all things are not equal, and the meek inherit the debt Of a world slowly fading, on a soul of black regret. Scratch together a living, gather words to form a picture Here as there is all the same, a torn bloody fissure. Cast a net as you cast the doubt, upon all childish dreams Turn the screw as you pull the plug, on all childish things. A little hope, a kiss of kindness, the suffering makes endure For here now as in heaven the wheel turns for us all. Time and chance are fleeting, both frozen in memory a goldfish bowl of moments, to bring regret now to the free.
LOOKING GLASS Step across the threshold Caress the looking glass, Herein lies your secret Therein lies the past. A dream, a crystal tear Both shed for sacrifice, The vagabond and piper Alone have paid the price. So lay your soul before me Let me touch the scars, Trace the pain of virtue Across the waking hours. Steal Times moments from her While she wake the dead, Beauty lies in imperfection, Not within your head. Christmas 1999
THE BONEYARD Lying in the boneyard I see with open eyes The lost and the fallen The loved and the despised Away from the demands This puerile world bestows I smile a vision of simple hope From what it is I know To chase a dream or live a lie A question forced on me So many different angles But I must believe in me!? An artist’s heart is all I have Beauty all I wish to see Decay I cannot understand Mistruths are not for me The answer is quite simple The question hard to see But heart alone will tell you What you need believe.
MEAN OLD MAN Here lies the wretched Here lies the damned Here lies the dreams Of a broken mean old man. With him lies his arrogance With him lies his shame With him lies his loneliness There’s none left to blame. No words were there of comfort No words were there of praise No tears shall be shed for him As he rots now in his grave. No thoughts had he for them No thoughts had he for me No joy did he know He would not take from thee.
MOTHER Born of light Cherished of warmth Protected by flesh From haunting dark Sacrificed future Raised by love Watched with patience To truly grow Mistakes met tolerance Anger found solace Within the arms Of life itself From swollen belly Emerged fists clenched To face mortality With wise leader Scarred and broken Returned to nest For a briefing Of challenges tomorrow Devine sacred feminine Leads shattered hand Soothes lost mind To breathe dreams Drunkard and blaggard Wiseman and fool Wrinkles on forehead Heart’s skipping beat Ambition to chase Fear drawn narrow Love guides soul Onto plains green Born so lucky Other cheek turned For such kiss To heal terror Stories of passion Visions of myth My greatest teacher’s Most wonderful gift For saving me For healing me For loving me I thank you
SHE Broken waves ride across rolling sky, To bless below the first born of youth, The morning birds sing a soft lullaby, That beauty is fragile and innocence truth. Nature wakes from the earth and calls to the stars, Mother to life and shadows amend; Venus gave life she borrowed from Mars, In unity loved, so life may not end. Fire he loved the form of the laurel, Placed her forever a crown on his head, A symbol of victory and life’s holy moral, That virtue and love shall always be bled. For the love and honour, She instilled in me. Night shall never come for me.
NIGHTINGALE Bring back the nightingale Bring back the rage Cry for me you Tempest, Turn another page. A storybook of life’s dead dreams I clutch in broken hands, Belief in the ministry Nonbelief in man. Where terror spreads its wings, Stand the weakest of my kind. Armed with nothing, naked Howling at the skies. So, bring back the fire Bring back the mage, Scream at life’s cruel purpose, Or simply turn the page.
OBSERVER I stand here as an observer of life, The sun behind, the night before me. Which way I turn floats on the choice I’m told I own as I’m told I’m free. I’ve seen life begin from a violent birth, The pain as air is sucked into lungs. I’ve held life in these broken hands To watch the soul from the flesh be wrung. I’ve kissed the lips of a thousand girls In many rooms on different lands. I’ve stood by the grave of the greatest wit There offered a prayer over tear-soaked hands. I’ve read the books of who came before As I’ve scratched my mind upon a page, History left there for to record me Another life from a different rage. Where I step begins a journey Forward or to retrace my steps. All that counts is what there is. For me, I’ll die with no regrets.
OLD MAN'S CHILD I walked the Seine in a tear-stained Paris Bowed and cloaked under vengeful sky I kissed the lips of a foreign princess On cracked glass pavement under Venus’s eye Times fingers lured me to cold embrace When golden crowns from the earth did sing To the paths beyond current glory That whispered down lanes to goad my sins I followed with passion the beat of that drum My boots echoed thunder in cities of old My eyes captured beauty upon wooden altars For tales I believed in I mortgaged my soul At Paddington station she bid me farewell This journey together had met with its death My fingers burst beads that fell on her chin Upon my tongue she left me her breath Her smell faded to silence as did her steps My heart tried to pump the dust in my veins Once even light could not come between us We’d tasted the blood of love’s guilty reign I’m an old man’s child, youth betrayed One face left the other turned right Secured to a post to forever look over The rippling mirror that gave us all life
ONLY HOPE Do not concede defeat For it is the opiate of the average Pandora weeps in eternal guilt For what she couldn’t salvage A pin prick winks in eternal night Soft footfalls we take in terror Toward our last and only goal Ambition’s bile our measure Struggle, is our bedfellow Common to each and all For all must die, though most never wake For their curtain call Let the light be bled for gallantry As you stare into the eyes of fate Accept not cold misery Embrace instead mistake Monday, July 01, 2002 Another dark day
PAINT (For Mum) The paper is my canvass I paint a world in ink Words I use for colour Emotions shade and tint The pen it is my brushstroke Swirls form my picture I impart expression Through tired stained fingers The world she is my muse Inspires me to breathe A life into a place Others wish to be The story is my sketch On which the colours flow Each bold stroke of letter Love, I only paint in gold The heart it is my trestle On which I rest my life Voice is my Cathedral Pain it is my price 2002
PANDORA’S BOX If we dare to touch the lid Or look upon the lock, To break it with a Judas kiss And open Pandora’s box. To search among the gifts Left there by the Gods, To find our last and only chance Hope above all odds. The question poised upon dry lips As we peek into the void, To find a trace of other things Mirror-watching paranoid. One last chance the gift of fire Given to us in sin, Stolen from our father, Thus life and death begin. Bring about the morning Brighter day for you to wake, Reality grapples hold of light That was my mistake. In shadow I find mystery, In light I find myself, In my heart I find my peace Beauty above all else. I take the risk and touch the lid Turn the silver lock, Curious men have found their truth In the ticking of the clock. I stop but for a moment. The last gift to man is here, If I free hope what then? Man shall disappear.
PASSION Sepia trends on soulless canvass Night is your choice of light Calling to Hades for wisdom Taken to earth with a fight Cry not for what you believe in But what you sought through pride Crawl on your knees for forgiveness As regret shines from those eyes Don’t tell me of worlds you conquered Or the virgin you taught to sin Tell me of love you created Not harboured selfishly within Too many I’ve known have suffered On the promise of those and the green Too many have died on the plane there So many you could not have seen Reverse the passion of reason Hide from the terror above Scream at your so-called freedom That rides the wings of the dove
WINTERS END Before it fades to black, Just look at what you’ve done. Count the kicks and solid blows The battles that you won. I know the journey has been hard, On this road you took to freedom. Battle weary and badly scared, You nursed your dreams to seed them. The sun is rising on your left, As hope walks to your right. For you there is a better future, Forward, among the light. A rare soul, housed in flesh, You have been the tree. Whose branches I drew solace from, You are the world to me. 2002
PURPLE RUSTY DOOR Alone he swings breaking silence Just above the floor, Carved with names and covered in gum The purple rusty door. Children liked to kick him then But alas no more. Life wasn’t very pleasant For the purple rusty door. Through rain and hail he shielded them Those beyond the door, The ones who never appreciated The purple rusty door. His was a life of thankless service Of solitude and dirty paws, A life of comings and goings For the purple rusty door. Now he hangs out the back Just above the floor; No one ever misses him The purple rusty door.
RIPPLES The ripples in the water, Carry my reflection Past time and memory Through the tear in our dimension. Floating in a prism Of never-ending light, Infinite realities Ever searching sight.
SHADOW Alone again I stand, The steel beneath my fingers, Tears and smoke upon my tongue The taste of both does linger. The beating of my heart, It pumps dust now, not life, A living crypt eternal; So much for sacrifice. I raise my head for comfort, Finding only shame, Dark wings of a distant memory Beat upon this plane. White knuckles grasping hold of air I fall into a trance, Bringing to life imagination To make the shadows dance. The emptiness has emotion, Silence a crystal voice, To be or not to be Is a very simple choice. Christmas 1999
EXTINGUISHED She walked from me so quickly Tears they didn’t yield She broke from me so strongly Her eyes cold as steel I chased her so madly Yet to no avail A scar another made Burnt this fucking trail I watched her as she left me Witnesses watched her flee Calling me the bad guy Who treated her so mean With love in swollen heart I watched her walk away I called to her again But she vanished in the fray A cab I caught on Collins The driver stared me in the face He knew not to ask Of the tears upon my face I sat in utter blackness On my journey home Alone and hollow Lost and thus again alone I love her so sweetly Blue eyes that smiled at me Now my last moment Is her angry in memory I tried to call her But the line it was turned To faceless happiness As my soul burned I wrote her a letter Sent it out on air Tomorrow is a hope That she is waiting there A lesson to be gleamed From fucking misery Questions of the soul Should be left to ministry Scars upon my mind Are mine and mine alone Scars in flesh and bone I shall never ask to know Within is all I have If her back is all I see The last vision of one I loved Walking away from me Again I shall turn To the beautiful night Never shall I love again Never feel her light Saturday, 19 February 2005
FRICTION I could sing to you of your eyes Your hair of curls and cupids lies Seduce you with a poet’s tongue Life’s too short you better run Stumble from me as you trip from truth I’ve seen him before that traitor youth A lying lover in a heart of fire Plucking treason from desire Clap your hands and click your fingers Another song could only linger Of love and myth and glorious fiction Tears of truth create no friction
MY BEAUTIFUL DEMISE I’m leaving here, I shall never return My back is pressed to shadow The blackened hands that guide my way I shrug to the hell I walk to Light, I believed in, that’s delivered nothing But false hope and broken dreams Faith I tried, I tried to hold on to But now I’m leaving for good I have chosen my transport, a shiny blade I’ll glide along the line that feeds Split open the pulsing road To cease the engine from beating more Embraced by the night, I’ll step into earth To be held in comfort cold. Few shall weep for this failed young dreamer Or wipe the wine from lips stained in toast Few words shall spill for deeds once done No heads shall shake for life now dead For this is the world I was born into There are few that care for another’s regret 2005
WAIT If you decide to leave me, no longer taste my breath. As you begin that journey, keep the sun on your left. Whatever road you travel, the way your heart directs. I ask that you only listen; and keep the sun on your left. As clouds roll forever onward, across plains you transgress. Keep this love close now, as you keep the sun on your left. Whomever else you meet, on life’s rolling quest. I pray that you only listen; and keep the sun on your left. Some day. It shall lead you back here. Where I wait.
SOME BOLLOCKS OR OTHER Thoughts turning like a Gatling gun. My brain awash with fire, White knuckles grasping hold of air, A pencil dictating anger. A mirror image I don’t know, blackened eyes and half sneer. Flesh rotting on hollow bones, cold sweat, my hackles rise, my tongue seared. More whiskey on a dead palate, the wheel flicks to light my cigarette. A message of self-destruction In a bottle of twisted regret. Bring back the Talisman the one that holds the answer. Chain hope to the gates of hell and summon the Necromancer. Tears caught in cupped hands, I drink to all souls lost. Mixed with the blood of wounds past, Is ambition’s cost.
TO REPEAT Drop the prism of conscious thought A rising in a fallen ideal Creeps across the New World Splintering Fortune’s wheel Wishing on a burning star Fallen from a distant place That carries in its heated core The image of my face A colour sparks a memory Of perfume on cold air The smell of sex and lust, my dear The taste of our affair Breathe now the air of me As I bathe you in my light Your skin I use as canvass Your hands I use for sight
TEARS A teardrop I catch on the end of a wish Gaze at a world that turns within Light breaking through this crystal prism Birthing atonement for simple sin A memory dances with a distant shadow That carried me through a different time A fetching smile in Hope’s dark cradle Lines I wrote after the lies Beauty I capture in a celluloid frame A look of seduction given only to me Produced on a paper and kept in a book I open years later and now I can see The meaning behind the love of a promise Lips that I kissed time after time Never believed in the truth of the moment Yet learnt the meaning behind the rhyme
THE DULLER OF TWO KEYS For Tim and Katrina I bathe in sweet breath caressed My skin pressed to fragrant flesh Scent of love within my soul Devour to one the simple goal Inhale her through enchanted eyes To keep her young there in my mind A flavoured kiss for Fortune’s pact Tumbled sheets to seal love’s act Me the duller of two keys To fit a heart bestowed to me To honour thine and protect From now until Eternity
TIME Thus, seduction fades to black, Our journeys at its end. Time slithered past my boots, As I walked with Gods and friends. I have kissed each subtle word, That passed across my lips. The lights are dropping on our stage, As you leave my fingertips. I watch our world turn again, To the next embrace. A new beginning to unfold. Another smile, a different face. Parting hearts of forged souls, Joined to me in romance. The simple love of a moment, Locked in passion’s dance. The clock has raised his arm, To tell me it is over. Time trips on without a care, For no man, may own Her. So, to you all a kiss for pride, For what you’ve let me see. To you all a bow for grace, For what you’ve done for me. I keep a lock of your lives, Close now to my heart. Your breath I keep within my soul, If I need revive my art.
THE LAST Let me count the numbers, As I contemplate the silence. Let me flow through a brighter realm, Above the ticking violence. Time passes on the coldest stare Exploited by harrowed lips. Emotions toiled and withered, Expressed through fingertips. No more calling of the morning birds, Just the heart of dying. That evaporates my slightest kiss, Placed on a world’s mute crying. Here we were the chosen ones Caressed and given freedom. To blood, to arms and damned truth, We split the throats of heathens Ourselves reversed on mirrored pride, As we looked ahead to dreams. Of Paradise on a lapping shore, Running threadbare at the seams. Art it tried to teach us, One run at a joyful dance. We could only break us, Blow guilt at circumstance. Yet still I count the numbers, Of all that went before. I am left alone here now, To record the final war.
THE MEETING The glasses clink, The laughter roars, Two eyes meet, A passion soars, Two souls click, Two hearts meet, And then to each other A beauty is born.
THE MEMORY OF YOU Breath, a soft hush gently stirs the feathers. Lip’s pale and cracked, Wet with mornings dew. Fingers gently touching, A soul silently ripping. A man without emotion. Then, there is you. An eye quickly blinking, Reflecting a heart’s crushing. In the body of the lamb, The lamb that is you. A tear softly falling, Unnoticed by the calling, Of the swarming of the many. But caught by the few. A beauty slowly slipping, Past times constant ticking, Carries in its cradle, The memory of you.
THEATRE Here again, I’m running From all I ever was. All I knew and all I had, in a silent dumb applause. Blow me a lasting kiss As I take the stage. To bow before all out there that ignite my rage. Treading boards, I’m falling Into the theatre of death. My heart it runs on empty, my audience has left. Hand me then the boquet Before the petals fall. Let me have just one last speech before they end it all.
REASON I struggle for reason I search within I scream at God as I’m filled with sin I lied to love and loved with lie Dancing with hate, Kissing the sky. Piety’s gone in my foolish eyes I wasted my youth and with it your life With smoke on my tongue and you in my hands Tripping to Disco, dancing to Brahams. Tell me that reason, there in your eyes. Why I should stay and open MY fucking eyes! What then is left, well all else is gone? I’m left with nothing but knowledge I’m always wrong! Soft kiss Sweet caress The memory remains Of a love I turned to shame Here I swing in Limbo, A soul on a chain Tears burn my shallow heart Dousing the eternal flame The regret that my son carries my name A hang-over from Rome Yet I am to blame For believing in home
FUCKED UP AND EMOTINAL These lips I kissed were once my own Bruised knuckles offered to broken hand. Between the trembling bones of life Addictions’ curse I have. The inward glare of loathing Upon a heart I wish to cease The rhythm it has found Of a life I’m yet to meet A hollow beat I march to As feet I drag through life Within my mind I heal The scar of sacrifice Self-hate is my bed fellow Depression my beautiful whore All that is true to me This darkness, my amore Words cut and bleeding Across my soul they dance To linger in some memory That squats upon romance Wild-child? Aye, once then. In a time with no course Time slipped through my flesh To leave this corpse
GOD To the night, her fingers close Pressed together against the storm. With the morning, her palms open to light, As Water drips to earth.
JUDGEMENT Visiting words of the past I despise myself even more Burnt ink on parchment Lines on a skin Moments captured in passing Life’s only ever half-lived Eternal Christ of hatred Blessing of pure lust A soul that hovers in limbo Learning the price of sin Sleep unknown, death a goal In my transition to nothingness. Grasping a reason devoid of truth, I trudge forever back. Aspiring to a past I never left behind. A history transferred. Through sight to living hard drive. Regret for what it is I know. Experience my mojo, My undoing from the start. Constant love of darkness As I search for a light. To keep my feet upon this earth, An invented Paradise. Onward forever, timeless insanity Created by a God I never wish to know.
SHADOWS What shadows are cast On God’s looking-glass When life reflects art and virtue? An inferno does burn Every point that I turn On this journey I take to see you. Tip-toeing through silence Above all the violence Of words spoken and lacking in meaning. My feet keep the time Of life’s steady rhyme As I’m dragged to the bottom of dreaming. A kiss to be placed There on your face As your sweet breath circles my tongue. My vision of tomorrow Clouded by sorrow When I know my race has been run. Sweetness I had There in your bed As our passion tumbled on wine. Beautiful caress My head on your breasts I’ve loved the beauty I set out to find.
WINE Wine. Saviour of taste and happier times. Smoke. Rings of silver on a velvet coat. Cheese. Dreams of fairies and dirty knees. Bread. The life I could have led. A platter for the young of heart Hope and fury wrapped in art Colour splashed to signal rage Another story of better days Lips. The way she moved beneath my hips. Eyes. Gods glare on the wings of butterflies. Skin. The stuff that keeps me in. Hair. Be neither here nor there. Manic lies to crack my heart Hope and fury wrapped in art A stroke to add another shadow In a life grown far to fallow Words. Say less than happy birds. Rhyme. Exist to keep souls time. Mouth. To use when my mind goes South. Throat. To quiver when I gloat. Split lips move to hurt my heart Hope and furry wrapped in art Black wings high across the moon All too soon love, all too soon Paint. Used to capture and to taint. Truth. A myth requiring no real proof. Virtue. An idea born to convert you. Time. Relative along a different line. Once I had a happy heart Hope and furry wrapped in art A brush-stroke adds another lie Emotion and reason together ride Ink. To scratch thoughts on the brink. Passion. Stickier than fashion. Sex. The most beautiful hex. Wine. A taste of the Divine.
WISH THE SKY Let me taste the scent of you As I feel the warmth of you Let me lie on the life of you As I wish the sky. Let me breathe the breath of you As I bathe in the air of you Let me sniff the earth on you As I wish the sky. Let me see the dreams of you As I watch the reams of you Let me touch the best of you As I wish the sky. Let me kiss the lips of you As I plead I’d die for you Let me feel the hands of you As I wish the sky. Let me then tend to you As I draw the lines of you Let me wash the feet of youAs I wish the sky. Let me then fall on you As I trace the curves of you Let me be the one in you As I kiss the sky. Let me mouth the flesh of you As I embrace the soul of you Let me be the one with you As I wish the sky. Let me close the eyes of you As I see the death of you Let me be reborn with you As I wish the sky. 1990
WISH (Unedited. Written when blind drunk, 23 Feb 2002. Discovered the next morning.) Just a simple wish, that and nothing more Unity and beauty come knocking at my door A kiss placed on honeyed lips, held against a breast Warmth and comfort, loves true attest Yet misery it haunts me, smiles from shadows black Grates against my dreams, rides on my back Blood and tears, mix upon the sand Used to dry, these crippled broken hands Light and dark are friends to me, unity I have to neither Both I can call on, each holds my favour An artists word from creative mind, burning zest and reason To turn from my ambition, hang me then for treason Paint then the demons, tumbling in my mind Ink stained and venom soiled my words to thine do bind The voices in my head, never pause for breath Chanting slow and rhythmic, clawing at the crest Of the world I have built for me, fingertip creation Cry now for my soul and my cloven foot brethren God cares not for me, he gave me all I need A pad and pencil to dictate, a life lived on my knees Laugh for me out of spite, as you turn the knife To another dead ideal, as you ignore my sacrifice. Bashing drum and trumpet call, hark the herald sings To all things dead and withered, a toast to all my sins Scrape the chasm of my thoughts, to find your own true self Fill my cup as you leave my bones, burnt upon the shelf. A monument to what once was, a smile where there is dust Take my hand and make a wish, on a dreamers brittle crust
WITHIN I am art wrapped in anger Fury joined with sin I turn my cheek and avert my eyes Now I’m going within. A pen I wield to ambition Dictating my sorrow-filled heart Now nothing matters In a soul torn apart. Inwards I tread for answers Though finding only shame The guilt I’ve had thrust upon me Makes me hate my own name. I curl my shoulders upwards A barrier of flesh I make To shield me from the terror My own blood do make. The blows I take without answer All I am is now dead I care no longer for beauty Or biting words once said. I turn from light into darkness Finding comfort within I turn myself off to external Now I’m going within. 1989
SMASHED Hesitant fingers, poised to write. To scratch thoughts, Imposed on paper and - Composed from madness. Too long, much too long between verse. Time spent in a reality alternate to mine. Enjoying the company of those never met, Yet “know” somehow in the other world. Those above me. More ambitious. Better connected. To be above me. But without the talent. Smiles and eyes see me now. Beauty. Liked by one who wishes to offer herself in utter bliss. Like being met by the Goddess herself. Finally, there is truth. This scared heart, turns again to love. Another broken soul. Trust again. At last 1999
YOUTH The bittersweet memory Of eternal youth Of riding fast, Of being free, Living hard Taking the punches Healing the scars Nothing matters in the end.
THE BREAKING https://www.youtube.com/embed/XWFV5vU48ts?fbclid=IwAR2Fh91uy4D3h-Oono70ycASBkJWvQOjON72GHCcgM1al-3VxEYykJxDXF8 The parlour door gave way to life That night that Joey died - and all the girls around the world Tore their shirts and cried A bell they rang in the tower tall Built to honour Gold Men in dresses sang of hope For his shattered soul Guilt’s lament burst on cheeks Like glass upon a wall To sink then to eternity - The weight of judgements call Left-then-right in unison I watched the flowers die To fall beneath the heels of those That brought him to the pyre Last words too oft’ be whispered So the earth may never know Of the final journey The abyss of the unknown
The Bigger Stick With this stick I thee kill The boar, the bird and man. With this stick I do rule The land, the sea and man. Words be spat To all with ears Of treason held on high. With this stick I then take All, Yet to die. May hope be sheared From all loving souls, At this time of "mirth." For with this stick The little ones, I may steal from earth. With this stick I shall hunt The wicked, fool and man. Retributions hammer then, Shall fall by mine own hand. With this stick I doth end The prophet, love and man. With this stick I am the law To boar and bird and man. The weeping womb Of creations wheel Tears along the seams. For with this stick I am strongest. This stick, means I am free.
Danny Matier 