POEMS

A lot of these were written a long time ago. They have done nothing but sit on my hard drives as I never shared them for one reason or another. The main reason was judgement, to be honest. But I’m putting them out there now. I’m not within a bullsroar of most poets and I have no ambition to be. This is my voice and these are what I wrote in various stages of my life. They’re unedited and I’m posting them now (most 20 years later), as hiding them seemed pointless. Why create something for it to hide in shadow?

Many more will be posted and lot of them are dark, as they are how I dealt with my world at the time they were written. I feel that any art is pointless unless it is personal, and if unseen – it may as well not exist.

I will update this as often as a I can. There are hundreds written in notebooks I still need to transcribe. Hundreds more lost on 3.5 inch floppy discs.

So, now that I have my get-out clause established, the “poetry” is below.

Some might be okay

FAREWELL

Come chase me immortality

Run from me cold death,

A million bleeding hearts have felt

The lies upon my breath.

This tongue has tasted words

That fell from honeyed lips.

Beauty pure as light she was,

Beneath my broken fingertips. 

Bring honour to the sight of man,

While bones of loneliness break;

Into the shards of evermore,

For this my great mistake.

I have wiped the eyes of those

Tormented by their dreams,

Their throats screamed for mercy 

I only screamed for me.

Shed one red tear for destiny

Take two steps backward to begin,

Blinded sight by dull ambition,

The dreamless always win.

Farewell then to the heart

That sang the same old songs,

Farewell then to mystery

You dreamt for far too long.

Friday, 13 November 1998

A SIMPLE WISH

IT WAS JUST A SIMPLE WISH

HUSHED AND NOTHING MORE

THAT UNITY AND BEAUTY

CAME KNOCKING AT MY DOOR

CIRCUS OF FREAKS

I stand amidst a circus of freaks

With my clowns, narrator and jailer;

The company princess kisses my cheek

As I am led off for slaughter.

I am old world born into no world at all,

Damned to walk a fine thread;

High above those that pay for my pride

Yet virtue buys me no bread.

Cursed in life as I am in love

My cage offers no silence;

Against the eyes that stare at my soul

To poke me there in violence.

Comfort I grab in a memory,

Of a sepia-stained life past;

A faded dress and smiling eyes

Through a looking glass.

A trumpet heralds me to parley

There to play the joker;

Before the golden rings of fire

Then it shall be over.

There is another way to dust

Than this path on which I tread;

No old-time songs of memory

Will comfort me in my bed.

I am to hang it’s the price I pay

For all the little things;

That I saw with a different eye

Judged to be my sins.

No more wet tears shall I see

Upon her face of white;

Nothing I shall feel again

Or walk among the light.

The princess cries for mercy,

She tries to name a price;

As the rope around my throat

Takes my soul away from life. 

Now I have only hell to fear.

April 2001

THE BREAKING

The parlour door gave way to life

That night that Joey died

– and all the girls around the world

Tore their shirts and cried

A bell they rang in the tower tall

Built to honour Gold

Men in dresses sang of hope

For his shattered soul

Guilt’s lament burst on cheeks

Like glass upon a wall

To sink then to eternity

– The weight of judgements call  

Left-then-right in unison

I watched the flowers die

To fall beneath the heels of those

That brought him to the pyre

Last words too oft’ be whispered

So the earth may never know

Of the final journey

The abyss of the unknown

ROY BROWN

When I get to thinkin’

Then I get to drinkin’

When I get to drinkin’

Then I get to livin’

Those pictures in my album

Are all of better times

Of youth spent with pretty girls

And friends (I) can no longer find

Days there of little care

In my baby’s arms

Her scent it did cleanse me

Of all life’s little harms

When I get to thinkin’

Then I get to drinkin’

When I get to drinkin’

Then I get to livin’

A present spent in memory

Of a distant past

Of colours there in faded glass

Youth though just don’t last

She left me at the station 

When I was still a boy

She kissed my tears and vanished

(I) Boxed up all my joy

When I get to thinkin’

Then I get to drinkin’

When I get to drinkin’

Then I get to livin’

Years since been cruel to me

As I walk the world

I keep the sun on my left

Looking for that girl

The thoughts though they get to me

Of frames I captured then

A shutter closed on my heart

Left me with my sins

When I get to thinkin’

Then I get to drinkin’

When I get to drinkin’

Then I get to livin’

This bottle it has cursed me

Into always looking back

Tomorrow holds no promise

I wish only for my past

I heard she had married

To a boy in old London town

One child she did give him

A boy they named Roy Brown

When I get to thinking’

Then I get to drinkin’

When I get to drinkin’

Then I get to livin’

That boy he gets to hold her

Kiss my darling girl

Once it was me then

Me then and that girl

I wonder if she ever

Spares a thought for me

The poor boy she knew then

When we were twenty-three

When I get to thinking’

Then I get to drinkin’

When I get to drinkin’

Then I get to livin’

You can take my pride

And place it in a box

Kiss this corpse and nail the lid

For that is all I got

Nothing ever came to me

And in God I asked

I begged and wished for a chance

But for me it simply passed

When I get to thinking’

Then I get to drinkin’

When I get to drinkin’

Then I get to livin’

I tell all who’ll listen

Inside this smoky bar

If you’re lucky then to hold her

Never let her get too far

Women they will curse you

Make you lose your mind

I love them, how I love them

But it’s her I wish to find

When I get to thinking’

Then I get to drinkin’

When I get to drinkin’

Then I get to livin’

I guess then Roy Brown

Has grown to be a man

I know she’ll have raised him

To be a righteous man

In a plot in Dublin

Lie my baby’s bones

She died oh so long ago

As I lamented hope

When I get to thinking’

Then I get to drinkin’

When I get to drinkin’

Then I get to livin’

Roy Brown if you hear me

Heed these words I wrote

Nothing is so precious

As the whisperings of hope

Do not take her lightly

For she’ll not wait around

Women they are spiritual

Men we are but clowns

PARADISE
It’s just a fractured moment 
That finds me in this place
Seduced and willing 
With her lips upon my face
A hundred times before
They all spoke the same
Light breaks through coloured glass
Searching for my name
I wish for innocence
As smoke swirls on my tongue
Liquid relief for blackened heart
Virtues I have none
My life a sniffle
Within the time of art
But that was sold to fashion
And I bought a tiny part
Acceptance of image
I projected through a haze
Of pale blue eyes and disarming smile
Those memories of rage
That song I can’t remember
When all things were bright
Cynical entertainment
On my journey to paradise
A meaning I shall long for
As my lungs expel their final gasp
I’ll try to grab that moment
As I struggle with my past
A lingering will sway
Tease me and then leave
As friends of tomorrow
I shall also fail to please
A life I lived through a dream
Someone sold to me
The one who sits on higher ground
Who planned this reel for me
Wistful I shall tumble
Through the veil of time
Searching for that wisdom
In this time I failed to find
Sweet breath I give to nature
As her womb is sucked of life
We evolved to hate her
As we raped paradise




HOPE


Hope I find at the end of a bottle
Dreams I found in my mother’s arms
Hate I felt at my father’s hand
Manhood I entered through that girl’s eyes

I hate myself. I despise what I am.
Reason I have as my courage lies dying.
For years I’ve tried, and those years I’ve failed.
Perhaps I’m destined for nothing at all.

Darkness I know. Swimming in black.
Forever on end with no light at all.
Jesus don’t care for he’s dead now so long.
Only the living can know its despair.

Life is a curse. Devoid of reason.
Darkness a comfort, I often embrace.
I do not belong here, on this journey.
They should have left me alone in that place.
GONE

I caught a virus called loneliness
And there ain’t no one to cure me.
I have this virus called loneliness 
Contagious to all who see me.

She left me.
Now I look behind my eyes
Staring into nothing.
GLASS HEART


A sonnet etched in glass
On a mantle hewn of bone
Signed with the blood of an artists hand
Set atop this throne

Stars dropped their tears
To add heat to the pain
Azrael rose and spread his wings
His bride he took in flame

As beauty curled within
Youth to life was born
Rising with the morning mists
To kiss to life the dawn

Eyes awoke to coloured stream
Flowing through the night
Of love’s sweet and gentle touch
The lilted voice of light

Breathe now the air of me
As I bathe you in my light
Your skin I use as canvass
Your hands I use for sight
ALONE


I find I am alone again
Myself against my skin,
Staring forever outward
As memories walk within.

Ten years ago, smiles I had
Now a frown I wear as shame.
Lips I kissed have turned to dust,
My friends went to the grave.
I STAND AMONG THE BEAUTIFUL

I stand among the beautiful
As I watch the wise
Moments among perfection
Hallowed night witnessed lie

I’ve had too much whiskey
Warmth it tells me so
My bed it duly summons
Yet its comfort I ignore

Tomorrow’s a place I despise
Alarm to ring or faze
As though stars would hang silent
Upon my fluttering gaze

Important to some economy
I am yet to understand
My heart it seethes in Nevermore
A rapping broken hand

The bugs that rule my abode
Mock my clichéd stare
Upon such wall I hang my art
To find them preening there

Talent it has escaped me
Average now I strive to be
Toasting all charming devils
That can only laugh at me

Words spiral and land
Within twisted bitter mind
Denied a dozen years
A dream I took to bride

Tears shall splinter pavement
When all comes to be
Doomed as now as from birth
To mediocrity

2001




IN CLOSING


For all the lips I have ever kissed.
Thank you.
LOVES LAMENT

Inspired by ‘The Nightingale and the Rose’ by Oscar Wilde 

The little bird sang in the tears of the moon
Her sacrifice cast by the pain of a thorn
The blood of her heart stained pale petals red
To deliver perfection on the dew of the morn

The song was so sweet as the rose drained her blood
Each beautiful note to heaven did lift
She sang through the night to true loves lament
So he in such pain could deliver his gift

With the fall of the moon came the end of the song
Our Nightingale fell cold and dead to the earth
Pierced through the breast by the cruellest of barbs
To loves holy virtue she tried to give birth

When morning smiled golden he cut down the rose
Delivered with promise to his loves intent
His favour refused because jewels were worth more
Than the bird who died for true loves lament

			December 16 2001
POLITIC


Bring me roses now, for tomorrow can wait
The forces that control me, will seal me to that fate.
We tried to fight them, but we lost the war,
They sold us freedom, then led us into war.

My friends I shall bury, as misery takes them all,
Leaders turned their backs on us, the poor took the fall.
Close my eyes against Death’s face, so I shall not see,
What they took from mother earth, what they did to me!

Before my soul is sucked, and spat into the sky,
There is but one wish I make, upon my shadowed eyes.
The shallow men, foolish men, the God’s of shattered realm,
Shall feel the fire of defeat, as I toll the bell.

You can give me liberty, you can bring me death,
You can read my rights to me as on the slab I rest.
I am freedoms son, born to damnation, 
A child of mother-nature, thus denied your salvation.

You raped my golden forests, as fuel for your greed,
Killed the fairies of my lands to sow your poisoned seed.
Satan he shall sharpen, his claws upon your skulls,
The ragged beasts of the underworld shall you vermin cull.

Your God went and left you, when He saw what you were,
You spit and chant at heaven even though there’s nothing there!
Beauty had you banished, when you took Her face,
Look upon the silver pool you see what took Her place!?

Sabre dance backward, we’re all off to hell
,
You saw to that when you killed hope, Pandora heard the knell.
Cry not for Mithris, they led him to the pyre,
The white bull of ritual, killed for a Messiah!

Cry now as it ends, shadows crawl on earth,
The cancerous womb of nature, shall never again birth.
Life in its purity, tears upon my lips,
The talons you control me with are slicing at my wrists!

I scream for one drop of blood, not tainted or infected,
You shall not speak to me until your heart has been inspected.
The chain around my neck, is latched there to the gate,
Damnation now must only breathe, for you to decide my fate!

You will never know, what you took from us,
Your obscene methods, are sure to silence us!?
Paradise only lasted, until we tasted will,
This is what you did with it, thought of ways to kill.

I do not understand you, your breed I despise,
Would a better day, come from your demise?
The need for power shall always rule your kind,
You're separate from this myth we have named man-(kind)

Do me one little favour, as you take my life,
Do not crack that knowing smile, as you turn the knife.
You robbed me of my innocence with this hatred you deliver,
As you watch our agony, was it worth the silver?

We were the ones, we were the only ones
We were the ones, born, to touch the sun
We were the ones, we were the chosen ones
We were the ones, born, to touch the sun

It ends as it began. 
With a scream.
It could end with hope.
It can’t. 
It never will.
They are traitors to life.
As Hamlet observed... ‘Tis an unweeded garden which grows to seed...’ 
Reap what you sow you bastards.
LONELINESS


Loneliness, a haunting, blackened lips burnt by the sun
Another man, a different time, a plague set among the scum.
Though all things are not equal, and the meek inherit the debt
Of a world slowly fading, on a soul of black regret.
  
Scratch together a living, gather words to form a picture
Here as there is all the same, a torn bloody fissure.
Cast a net as you cast the doubt, upon all childish dreams
Turn the screw as you pull the plug, on all childish things.

A little hope, a kiss of kindness, the suffering makes endure
For here now as in heaven the wheel turns for us all.
Time and chance are fleeting, both frozen in memory
a goldfish bowl of moments, to bring regret now to the free.
LOOKING GLASS

Step across the threshold 
Caress the looking glass,
Herein lies your secret
Therein lies the past.

A dream, a crystal tear
Both shed for sacrifice,
The vagabond and piper
Alone have paid the price.

So lay your soul before me
Let me touch the scars,
Trace the pain of virtue
Across the waking hours.

Steal Times moments from her
While she wake the dead,
Beauty lies in imperfection,
Not within your head.
 
Christmas 1999
THE BONEYARD


Lying in the boneyard
I see with open eyes
The lost and the fallen
The loved and the despised

Away from the demands
This puerile world bestows
I smile a vision of simple hope
From what it is I know

To chase a dream or live a lie
A question forced on me
So many different angles
But I must believe in me!?

An artist’s heart is all I have
Beauty all I wish to see
Decay I cannot understand
Mistruths are not for me

The answer is quite simple
The question hard to see
But heart alone will tell you
What you need believe.
MEAN OLD MAN

Here lies the wretched
Here lies the damned
Here lies the dreams
Of a broken mean old man.

With him lies his arrogance
With him lies his shame
With him lies his loneliness
There’s none left to blame.

No words were there of comfort
No words were there of praise
No tears shall be shed for him
As he rots now in his grave.

No thoughts had he for them
No thoughts had he for me
No joy did he know
He would not take from thee.
MOTHER


Born of light
Cherished of warmth
Protected by flesh
From haunting dark

Sacrificed future
Raised by love
Watched with patience
To truly grow

Mistakes met tolerance
Anger found solace
Within the arms
Of life itself

From swollen belly
Emerged fists clenched
To face mortality
With wise leader

Scarred and broken
Returned to nest
For a briefing
Of challenges tomorrow

Devine sacred feminine
Leads shattered hand
Soothes lost mind
To breathe dreams

Drunkard and blaggard
Wiseman and fool
Wrinkles on forehead
Heart’s skipping beat

Ambition to chase
Fear drawn narrow
Love guides soul
Onto plains green

Born so lucky
Other cheek turned
For such kiss
To heal terror

Stories of passion
Visions of myth
My greatest teacher’s
Most wonderful gift 

For saving me
For healing me
For loving me
I thank you
SHE

Broken waves ride across rolling sky,
To bless below the first born of youth,
The morning birds sing a soft lullaby,
That beauty is fragile and innocence truth.
Nature wakes from the earth and calls to the stars,
Mother to life and shadows amend;
Venus gave life she borrowed from Mars,
In unity loved, so life may not end.
Fire he loved the form of the laurel,
Placed her forever a crown on his head,
A symbol of victory and life’s holy moral,
That virtue and love shall always be bled.
For the love and honour, She instilled in me. 
Night shall never come for me.
NIGHTINGALE


Bring back the nightingale 
Bring back the rage
Cry for me you Tempest,
Turn another page.

A storybook of life’s dead dreams
I clutch in broken hands,
Belief in the ministry
Nonbelief in man.

Where terror spreads its wings,
Stand the weakest of my kind.
Armed with nothing, naked
Howling at the skies.

So, bring back the fire
Bring back the mage,
Scream at life’s cruel purpose,
Or simply turn the page.
OBSERVER 


I stand here as an observer of life,
The sun behind, the night before me.
Which way I turn floats on the choice
I’m told I own as I’m told I’m free.

I’ve seen life begin from a violent birth,
The pain as air is sucked into lungs.
I’ve held life in these broken hands
To watch the soul from the flesh be wrung.

I’ve kissed the lips of a thousand girls
In many rooms on different lands.
I’ve stood by the grave of the greatest wit
There offered a prayer over tear-soaked hands.

I’ve read the books of who came before 
As I’ve scratched my mind upon a page,
History left there for to record me
Another life from a different rage.

Where I step begins a journey
Forward or to retrace my steps.
All that counts is what there is.
For me, I’ll die with no regrets.
OLD MAN'S CHILD


I walked the Seine in a tear-stained Paris
Bowed and cloaked under vengeful sky
I kissed the lips of a foreign princess
On cracked glass pavement under Venus’s eye

Times fingers lured me to cold embrace
When golden crowns from the earth did sing
To the paths beyond current glory
That whispered down lanes to goad my sins

I followed with passion the beat of that drum
My boots echoed thunder in cities of old
My eyes captured beauty upon wooden altars
For tales I believed in I mortgaged my soul

At Paddington station she bid me farewell
This journey together had met with its death
My fingers burst beads that fell on her chin
Upon my tongue she left me her breath

Her smell faded to silence as did her steps
My heart tried to pump the dust in my veins
Once even light could not come between us
We’d tasted the blood of love’s guilty reign

I’m an old man’s child, youth betrayed
One face left the other turned right
Secured to a post to forever look over
The rippling mirror that gave us all life
ONLY HOPE


Do not concede defeat
For it is the opiate of the average
Pandora weeps in eternal guilt
For what she couldn’t salvage

A pin prick winks in eternal night
Soft footfalls we take in terror
Toward our last and only goal
Ambition’s bile our measure

Struggle, is our bedfellow
Common to each and all
For all must die, though most never wake
For their curtain call

Let the light be bled for gallantry
As you stare into the eyes of fate
Accept not cold misery
Embrace instead mistake


Monday, July 01, 2002
Another dark day

PAINT
(For Mum)

The paper is my canvass
I paint a world in ink
Words I use for colour
Emotions shade and tint

The pen it is my brushstroke
Swirls form my picture
I impart expression
Through tired stained fingers

The world she is my muse
Inspires me to breathe
A life into a place
 Others wish to be

The story is my sketch
On which the colours flow
Each bold stroke of letter
Love, I only paint in gold

The heart it is my trestle
On which I rest my life
Voice is my Cathedral
Pain it is my price

2002
PANDORA’S BOX


If we dare to touch the lid
Or look upon the lock,
To break it with a Judas kiss
And open Pandora’s box.

To search among the gifts
Left there by the Gods,
To find our last and only chance
Hope above all odds.

The question poised upon dry lips
As we peek into the void,
To find a trace of other things
Mirror-watching paranoid.

One last chance the gift of fire
Given to us in sin,
Stolen from our father,
Thus life and death begin.

Bring about the morning
Brighter day for you to wake,
Reality grapples hold of light
That was my mistake.

In shadow I find mystery,
In light I find myself,
In my heart I find my peace
Beauty above all else.

I take the risk and touch the lid
Turn the silver lock,
Curious men have found their truth
In the ticking of the clock.

I stop but for a moment.
The last gift to man is here,
If I free hope what then?
Man shall disappear.  
PASSION


Sepia trends on soulless canvass
Night is your choice of light
Calling to Hades for wisdom
Taken to earth with a fight

Cry not for what you believe in
But what you sought through pride
Crawl on your knees for forgiveness
As regret shines from those eyes

Don’t tell me of worlds you conquered
Or the virgin you taught to sin
Tell me of love you created
Not harboured selfishly within

Too many I’ve known have suffered
On the promise of those and the green
Too many have died on the plane there
So many you could not have seen

Reverse the passion of reason
Hide from the terror above
Scream at your so-called freedom
That rides the wings of the dove
WINTERS END

Before it fades to black,
Just look at what you’ve done.
Count the kicks and solid blows
The battles that you won.

I know the journey has been hard,
On this road you took to freedom.
Battle weary and badly scared,
You nursed your dreams to seed them.

The sun is rising on your left,
As hope walks to your right.
For you there is a better future,
Forward, among the light.

A rare soul, housed in flesh,
You have been the tree.
Whose branches I drew solace from,
You are the world to me.

2002
PURPLE RUSTY DOOR

Alone he swings breaking silence
Just above the floor,
Carved with names and covered in gum
The purple rusty door.

Children liked to kick him then
But alas no more.
Life wasn’t very pleasant 
For the purple rusty door.

Through rain and hail he shielded them
Those beyond the door,
The ones who never appreciated
The purple rusty door.

His was a life of thankless service
Of solitude and dirty paws,
A life of comings and goings
For the purple rusty door.

Now he hangs out the back
Just above the floor;
No one ever misses him
The purple rusty door.

RIPPLES


The ripples in the water, 
Carry my reflection
Past time and memory
Through the tear in our dimension.

Floating in a prism
Of never-ending light,
Infinite realities
Ever searching sight.
SHADOW

Alone again I stand,
The steel beneath my fingers,
Tears and smoke upon my tongue
The taste of both does linger.

The beating of my heart,
It pumps dust now, not life,
A living crypt eternal;
So much for sacrifice.

I raise my head for comfort,
Finding only shame,
Dark wings of a distant memory
Beat upon this plane.

White knuckles grasping hold of air
I fall into a trance,
Bringing to life imagination
To make the shadows dance.

The emptiness has emotion,
Silence a crystal voice,
To be or not to be
Is a very simple choice.

Christmas 1999 

EXTINGUISHED

She walked from me so quickly
Tears they didn’t yield
She broke from me so strongly
Her eyes cold as steel

I chased her so madly
Yet to no avail
A scar another made
Burnt this fucking trail

I watched her as she left me
Witnesses watched her flee
Calling me the bad guy
Who treated her so mean

With love in swollen heart
I watched her walk away
I called to her again
But she vanished in the fray

A cab I caught on Collins
The driver stared me in the face
He knew not to ask 
Of the tears upon my face

I sat in utter blackness
On my journey home
Alone and hollow
Lost and thus again alone

I love her so sweetly
Blue eyes that smiled at me
Now my last moment
Is her angry in memory

I tried to call her
But the line it was turned
To faceless happiness
As my soul burned

I wrote her a letter
Sent it out on air
Tomorrow is a hope
That she is waiting there

A lesson to be gleamed
From fucking misery
Questions of the soul
Should be left to ministry

Scars upon my mind
Are mine and mine alone
Scars in flesh and bone
I shall never ask to know

Within is all I have
If her back is all I see
The last vision of one I loved
Walking away from me

Again I shall turn
To the beautiful night
Never shall I love again
Never feel her light

Saturday, 19 February 2005
FRICTION

I could sing to you of your eyes
Your hair of curls and cupids lies
Seduce you with a poet’s tongue
Life’s too short you better run

Stumble from me as you trip from truth
I’ve seen him before that traitor youth
A lying lover in a heart of fire
Plucking treason from desire

Clap your hands and click your fingers
Another song could only linger
Of love and myth and glorious fiction
Tears of truth create no friction  
MY BEAUTIFUL DEMISE


I’m leaving here, I shall never return
My back is pressed to shadow
The blackened hands that guide my way
I shrug to the hell I walk to

Light, I believed in, that’s delivered nothing
But false hope and broken dreams
Faith I tried, I tried to hold on to
But now I’m leaving for good

I have chosen my transport, a shiny blade
I’ll glide along the line that feeds
Split open the pulsing road
To cease the engine from beating more

Embraced by the night, I’ll step into earth
To be held in comfort cold.
Few shall weep for this failed young dreamer
Or wipe the wine from lips stained in toast

Few words shall spill for deeds once done
No heads shall shake for life now dead
For this is the world I was born into
There are few that care for another’s regret
	2005

WAIT

If you decide to leave me, no longer taste my breath.
As you begin that journey, keep the sun on your left.
Whatever road you travel, the way your heart directs.
I ask that you only listen; and keep the sun on your left.

As clouds roll forever onward, across plains you transgress.
Keep this love close now, as you keep the sun on your left. 
Whomever else you meet, on life’s rolling quest.
I pray that you only listen; and keep the sun on your left.

Some day.
It shall lead you back here.
Where I wait.
SOME BOLLOCKS OR OTHER

Thoughts turning like a Gatling gun.
My brain awash with fire,
White knuckles grasping hold of air,
A pencil dictating anger.

A mirror image I don’t know, blackened eyes and half sneer.
Flesh rotting on hollow bones, cold sweat, my hackles rise, my tongue seared.

More whiskey on a dead palate, the wheel flicks to light my cigarette.
A message of self-destruction
In a bottle of twisted regret.

Bring back the Talisman the one that holds the answer. Chain hope to the gates of hell and summon the Necromancer.

Tears caught in cupped hands, 
I drink to all souls lost.
Mixed with the blood of wounds past,
Is ambition’s cost. 
TO REPEAT

Drop the prism of conscious thought
A rising in a fallen ideal
Creeps across the New World
Splintering Fortune’s wheel

Wishing on a burning star
Fallen from a distant place
That carries in its heated core
The image of my face

A colour sparks a memory
Of perfume on cold air
The smell of sex and lust, my dear
The taste of our affair

Breathe now the air of me
As I bathe you in my light
Your skin I use as canvass
Your hands I use for sight
TEARS


A teardrop I catch on the end of a wish
Gaze at a world that turns within
 Light breaking through this crystal prism
Birthing atonement for simple sin

A memory dances with a distant shadow
That carried me through a different time
A fetching smile in Hope’s dark cradle
Lines I wrote after the lies

Beauty I capture in a celluloid frame
A look of seduction given only to me
 Produced on a paper and kept in a book
I open years later and now I can see

The meaning behind the love of a promise
Lips that I kissed time after time
Never believed in the truth of the moment
Yet learnt the meaning behind the rhyme
THE DULLER OF TWO KEYS

For Tim and Katrina


I bathe in sweet breath caressed
My skin pressed to fragrant flesh
Scent of love within my soul
Devour to one the simple goal

Inhale her through enchanted eyes
To keep her young there in my mind
A flavoured kiss for Fortune’s pact 
Tumbled sheets to seal love’s act 

Me the duller of two keys
To fit a heart bestowed to me
To honour thine and protect
From now until

Eternity
TIME


Thus, seduction fades to black, 
Our journeys at its end.
Time slithered past my boots,
As I walked with Gods and friends.

I have kissed each subtle word,
That passed across my lips.
The lights are dropping on our stage,
As you leave my fingertips.

I watch our world turn again,
To the next embrace.
 A new beginning to unfold.
Another smile, a different face.

Parting hearts of forged souls,
Joined to me in romance.
The simple love of a moment,
Locked in passion’s dance.

The clock has raised his arm,
To tell me it is over.
Time trips on without a care,
For no man, may own Her.

So, to you all a kiss for pride,
For what you’ve let me see.
To you all a bow for grace,
For what you’ve done for me.

I keep a lock of your lives,
Close now to my heart.
Your breath I keep within my soul,
If I need revive my art.
THE LAST

Let me count the numbers,
As I contemplate the silence.
Let me flow through a brighter realm,
Above the ticking violence.

Time passes on the coldest stare
Exploited by harrowed lips.
Emotions toiled and withered,
Expressed through fingertips.

No more calling of the morning birds,
Just the heart of dying.
That evaporates my slightest kiss,
Placed on a world’s mute crying.

Here we were the chosen ones
Caressed and given freedom.
To blood, to arms and damned truth,
We split the throats of heathens

Ourselves reversed on mirrored pride,
As we looked ahead to dreams.
Of Paradise on a lapping shore,
Running threadbare at the seams.

Art it tried to teach us,
One run at a joyful dance.
We could only break us,
Blow guilt at circumstance.

Yet still I count the numbers,
Of all that went before.
I am left alone here now,
To record the final war.
THE MEETING

The glasses clink,
The laughter roars,
Two eyes meet,
A passion soars,
Two souls click,
Two hearts meet,
And then to each other
A beauty is born.
THE MEMORY OF YOU


Breath, a soft hush 
gently stirs the feathers.
Lip’s pale and cracked,
Wet with mornings dew.

Fingers gently touching,
A soul silently ripping.
A man without emotion.
Then, there is you.

An eye quickly blinking,
Reflecting a heart’s crushing.
In the body of the lamb,
The lamb that is you.

A tear softly falling,
Unnoticed by the calling,
Of the swarming of the many.
But caught by the few.

A beauty slowly slipping,
Past times constant ticking,
Carries in its cradle,
The memory of you.
THEATRE

Here again, I’m running
From all I ever was. All I knew and all I had, in a silent dumb applause.
Blow me a lasting kiss
As I take the stage. To bow before all out there that ignite my rage.

Treading boards, I’m falling
Into the theatre of death. My heart it runs on empty, my audience has left.
Hand me then the boquet
Before the petals fall. Let me have just one last speech before they end it all.
REASON

I struggle for reason I search within
I scream at God as I’m filled with sin
I lied to love and loved with lie
Dancing with hate, Kissing the sky.

Piety’s gone in my foolish eyes
I wasted my youth and with it your life
With smoke on my tongue and you in my hands
Tripping to Disco, dancing to Brahams.

Tell me that reason, there in your eyes.
Why I should stay and open MY fucking eyes!
What then is left, well all else is gone?
I’m left with nothing but knowledge I’m always wrong!

Soft kiss
Sweet caress
The memory remains
Of a love I turned to shame

Here I swing in Limbo, 
A soul on a chain
Tears burn my shallow heart
Dousing the eternal flame

The regret that my son carries my name
A hang-over from Rome
Yet I am to blame
For believing in home
FUCKED UP AND EMOTINAL

These lips I kissed were once my own
Bruised knuckles offered to broken hand.
Between the trembling bones of life
Addictions’ curse I have.

The inward glare of loathing
Upon a heart I wish to cease
The rhythm it has found
Of a life I’m yet to meet

A hollow beat I march to
As feet I drag through life
Within my mind I heal
The scar of sacrifice

Self-hate is my bed fellow
Depression my beautiful whore
All that is true to me
This darkness, my amore

Words cut and bleeding
Across my soul they dance
To linger in some memory
That squats upon romance

Wild-child? Aye, once then.
In a time with no course
Time slipped through my flesh
To leave this corpse
GOD


To the night, her fingers close
Pressed together against the storm.
With the morning, her palms open to light,
As Water drips to earth.
JUDGEMENT

Visiting words of the past
I despise myself even more
Burnt ink on parchment
Lines on a skin
Moments captured in passing
Life’s only ever half-lived

Eternal Christ of hatred
Blessing of pure lust
A soul that hovers in limbo
Learning the price of sin

Sleep unknown, death a goal
In my transition to nothingness.
Grasping a reason devoid of truth,
I trudge forever back.
Aspiring to a past
I never left behind.

A history transferred.
Through sight to living hard drive.
Regret for what it is I know.
Experience my mojo,
My undoing from the start.

Constant love of darkness
As I search for a light.
To keep my feet upon this earth,
An invented Paradise.

Onward forever, timeless insanity
Created by a God I never wish to know.
SHADOWS

What shadows are cast 
On God’s looking-glass
When life reflects art and virtue?
An inferno does burn 
Every point that I turn
On this journey I take to see you.

Tip-toeing through silence
Above all the violence
Of words spoken and lacking in meaning.
My feet keep the time
Of life’s steady rhyme
As I’m dragged to the bottom of dreaming.

A kiss to be placed 
There on your face
As your sweet breath circles my tongue.
My vision of tomorrow
Clouded by sorrow   
When I know my race has been run.

Sweetness I had
There in your bed
As our passion tumbled on wine.
Beautiful caress
My head on your breasts
I’ve loved the beauty I set out to find.
WINE


Wine. Saviour of taste and happier times.
Smoke. Rings of silver on a velvet coat.
Cheese. Dreams of fairies and dirty knees.
Bread. The life I could have led.

A platter for the young of heart
Hope and fury wrapped in art
Colour splashed to signal rage
Another story of better days

Lips. The way she moved beneath my hips.
Eyes. Gods glare on the wings of butterflies.
Skin. The stuff that keeps me in.
Hair. Be neither here nor there.

Manic lies to crack my heart
Hope and fury wrapped in art
A stroke to add another shadow
In a life grown far to fallow

Words. Say less than happy birds.
Rhyme. Exist to keep souls time.
Mouth. To use when my mind goes South.
Throat. To quiver when I gloat.

Split lips move to hurt my heart
Hope and furry wrapped in art
Black wings high across the moon
All too soon love, all too soon

Paint. Used to capture and to taint.
Truth. A myth requiring no real proof.
Virtue. An idea born to convert you.
Time. Relative along a different line.

Once I had a happy heart
Hope and furry wrapped in art
A brush-stroke adds another lie
Emotion and reason together ride
 
Ink. To scratch thoughts on the brink.
Passion. Stickier than fashion.
Sex. The most beautiful hex.
Wine. A taste of the Divine. 
WISH THE SKY

Let me taste the scent of you
As I feel the warmth of you
Let me lie on the life of you
As I wish the sky.

Let me breathe the breath of you
As I bathe in the air of you
Let me sniff the earth on you
As I wish the sky.

Let me see the dreams of you
As I watch the reams of you
Let me touch the best of you
As I wish the sky.

Let me kiss the lips of you
As I plead I’d die for you
Let me feel the hands of you
As I wish the sky.

Let me then tend to you
As I draw the lines of you
Let me wash the feet of youAs I wish the sky.

Let me then fall on you
As I trace the curves of you
Let me be the one in you
As I kiss the sky.

Let me mouth the flesh of you
As I embrace the soul of you
Let me be the one with you
As I wish the sky.

Let me close the eyes of you
As I see the death of you
Let me be reborn with you
As I wish the sky. 

1990
WISH
(Unedited. Written when blind drunk, 23 Feb 2002. Discovered the next morning.)

Just a simple wish, that and nothing more
Unity and beauty come knocking at my door
A kiss placed on honeyed lips, held against a breast
Warmth and comfort, loves true attest

Yet misery it haunts me, smiles from shadows black
Grates against my dreams, rides on my back
Blood and tears, mix upon the sand
Used to dry, these crippled broken hands

Light and dark are friends to me, unity I have to neither
Both I can call on, each holds my favour
An artists word from creative mind, burning zest and reason
To turn from my ambition, hang me then for treason

Paint then the demons, tumbling in my mind
Ink stained and venom soiled my words to thine do bind
The voices in my head, never pause for breath
Chanting slow and rhythmic, clawing at the crest

Of the world I have built for me, fingertip creation
Cry now for my soul and my cloven foot brethren
God cares not for me, he gave me all I need
A pad and pencil to dictate, a life lived on my knees

Laugh for me out of spite, as you turn the knife
To another dead ideal, as you ignore my sacrifice.
Bashing drum and trumpet call, hark the herald sings
To all things dead and withered, a toast to all my sins

Scrape the chasm of my thoughts, to find your own true self
Fill my cup as you leave my bones, burnt upon the shelf.
A monument to what once was, a smile where there is dust
Take my hand and make a wish, on a dreamers brittle crust
WITHIN

I am art wrapped in anger
Fury joined with sin
I turn my cheek and avert my eyes
Now I’m going within.

A pen I wield to ambition
Dictating my sorrow-filled heart
Now nothing matters
In a soul torn apart.

Inwards I tread for answers
Though finding only shame
The guilt I’ve had thrust upon me
Makes me hate my own name.

 I curl my shoulders upwards 
A barrier of flesh I make
To shield me from the terror
My own blood do make.

The blows I take without answer
All I am is now dead
I care no longer for beauty
Or biting words once said.

I turn from light into darkness
Finding comfort within
I turn myself off to external
Now I’m going within.

1989

SMASHED


Hesitant fingers, poised to write.
To scratch thoughts,
Imposed on paper and -
Composed from madness.

Too long, much too long between verse.
Time spent in a reality alternate to mine.
Enjoying the company of those never met,
Yet “know” somehow in the other world.

Those above me.
More ambitious.
Better connected.
To be above me.
But without the talent.

Smiles and eyes see me now.
Beauty.

Liked by one who wishes to offer herself in utter bliss.
Like being met by the Goddess herself.
Finally, there is truth.
This scared heart, turns again to love.

Another broken soul.
Trust again.
At last

1999
YOUTH

The bittersweet memory
Of eternal youth
Of riding fast,
Of being free,
Living hard
Taking the punches
Healing the scars
Nothing matters in the end.




THE BREAKING

https://www.youtube.com/embed/XWFV5vU48ts?fbclid=IwAR2Fh91uy4D3h-Oono70ycASBkJWvQOjON72GHCcgM1al-3VxEYykJxDXF8
The parlour door gave way to life
That night that Joey died
- and all the girls around the world
Tore their shirts and cried

A bell they rang in the tower tall
Built to honour Gold
Men in dresses sang of hope
For his shattered soul

Guilt’s lament burst on cheeks
Like glass upon a wall
To sink then to eternity
- The weight of judgements call  

Left-then-right in unison
I watched the flowers die
To fall beneath the heels of those
That brought him to the pyre

Last words too oft’ be whispered
So the earth may never know
Of the final journey
The abyss of the unknown
The Bigger Stick

With this stick
I thee kill
The boar, the bird and man.
With this stick
I do rule
The land, the sea and man.
Words be spat
To all with ears
Of treason held on high.
With this stick
I then take
All, 
Yet to die.

May hope be sheared
From all loving souls,
At this time of "mirth."
For with this stick 
The little ones,
I may steal from earth.
With this stick
I shall hunt 
The wicked, fool and man.
Retributions hammer then,
Shall fall by mine own hand.

With this stick
I doth end
The prophet, love and man.
With this stick
I am the law
To boar and bird and man.

The weeping womb
Of creations wheel
Tears along the seams.
For with this stick
I am strongest.
This stick, means I am free.

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