Traveling With Our Toddler – PART FOUR (The piece I didn’t want to write)

Little person or a little shit?

I didn’t want to admit it, but we are dealing with what is known as the “terrible twos”. My lovely little kid has become some demon child who only knows how to say no. No. That’s the word. The word is no. No. All the time no. Like being 15 and getting caught in elastic straps, hair ties and clips to then be told, no. It’s just more frustrating now.

I really thought she would have been more original with the enfant terrible stage.
Let’s put your shoes on. No.
Let’s get your coat on. No.
Nappy change. No.
But you smell like a cave troll and you’ve shit yourself. No.
Would you like a strawberry. No.
Would you like some water? No.
But water is good. No.
Do you love daddy? No.
Do you want to play upside down kid? No.
But you love upside down kid. No.
What about fighter pilot? No.
But you love fighter pilot. No.
Should we buy these shoes? No.
But you need shoes. No.
Would you like to wear these shoes? No.
Let’s look at that building. No.
Let’s take your picture. No.
Let the little girl play with the turtle statue. No.
Hold daddy’s hand walking down these ancient steps. No.
Hold it. No.
HOLD IT. Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo…..
It’s raining. No.
It IS raining. No.
IT IS RAINING AND YOU NEED TO PUT ON YOUR COAT. ……..No
ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!
Where did my little punk go? Why is this demon possessing my child?
Who are you demon!?

I never thought I’d say this. But I’m glad I have a job to go to each day. Mothers are surely the holiest of beings.

Anyway. To bed. We have things to see in the morning. No.
Don’t want to miss it. No.
Will Tony be PM again? No.
Dutton?? No.
Bishop? ….
Bishop? ……

NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Byeeeeeee.

No.

Wait. What?

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